I apologize for my absence in connecting thru this medium. As I have shared before, writing does not come easy for me and what seems valuable to you is when I get vulnerable sharing about my life, also not very easy. People often describe my writing as raw and real, which helps them. It's been a lot in this last year that has unfolded and it's easy to share when I am in close relation because we can dialogue about it, but much more difficult to share in this medium because it is so personal. I will continue to try, but reach out and connect with me if you want more.
I just celebrated my 46th birthday. It was at this time last year that I decided that it was time to manifest my next partner. I had gone from being with my first partner of 17 years, directly into another partnership of 3.5 years without spending not even an hour on my own. Not my personal recommendation, but life offered it and I am not into arguing with life. When the 2nd relationship ended I took over a year to be on my own and mind you it was one of the biggest snow years here in Tahoe. I learned that I didn't need a partner, I was self sufficient, but also I was in no way blocking help and support (especially when it came to snow removal). I came to realize that the support is always here, it's just opening to receive it. With everything that was happening in our world and in my own life I saw that I needed to look at my beliefs around men. I started inviting more men into my life because I wanted to understand them. I know woman, but I realized I really didn't know men and wasn't sure if I ever wanted to be in partnership again because of these beliefs I had around them. What is interesting about beliefs is the mind will find all sorts of data to back them up, but when we investigate our beliefs, that is where the juice is. In my investigation, a brotherhood was forming, which was wonderful. Something I never felt I personally had before. So I began to think maybe I would just have lovers, playmates, friends. Fun, right? I was learning so much about men and in that, learning so much about myself. My dear brothers I know these beliefs aren't true, but they were part of the programing and we know the subconscious runs the show. I got to look at my beliefs that men/boys were dumb, that they are unwilling to open their hearts, be vulnerable and work on their sh*t. And in my willingness to look at these beliefs I have met way more beautiful, sweet, kind, generous, compassionate loving souls, men that want to do the work, surprise, surprise, they meditate. Maybe these qualities aren't attractive to everyone, but I find them incredibly sexy. :) In my exploration I discovered I was always wanted, a wound that has lingered way too long. I also was able to let go of my fear/judgement of alcohol and drugs. I still love my life of sobriety and I still feel sad that there is so much abuse of it, but it's not the drugs and alcohol fault, it's just our inability to be with our emotions/sensations/feelings. And lastly I am learning to embrace pleasure and that I deserve all the gifts I have been given including the being that I have committed to this unfolding with. I really don't know where it is going. We are both very sensitive to codependency so we try not to project into the future very far. It may not be here tomorrow, but what I have seen is if I really want to do the work I need to do in the lower chakras (FEAR, GUILT, SHAME), it would be best done in partnership. So it's been trust building, letting myself be seen, body issues, boundaries, expressing needs, grieving(4th chakra), adventuring, receiving and all of it has been held so beautifully. Super duper grateful. And boy has it been amazing to share all of this with my dynamic, wise, being of a daughter. When she was finishing her puberty homework asking me questions right in front of him with no shame at all (love it). The last question was "did this dialogue with your dad/mom help open up conversation? Yes/No". She replied "neither, it's always open." Parenting win. :)
So once again I share to inspire your own self discovery. We call self-study Svadhyaya in yoga. Keep going is what I want to share. Maybe you want to sign up for the Wanderlust Teacher Training. This year we have a new sanskrit scholar. Each training is so different that we are offering a 50% discount to students that want to do it again. Also if you sign up for the TT, you can get 25% off for the Wanderlust Festival which I am so delighted to teach at again. Year 10! I can't believe it. Come, come, come. It's the event I most look forward to during the year. I always learn something about myself.
So maybe it's a training, maybe it's recommitment to your meditation practice or asana practice. Whatever it is, keep going. Dive deeper.
I also want to invite you to a A Soul Gathering up on the summit with my dear friend Michelle Turley. I will be leading a part. Please come and bring someone that inspires you. It's FREE. Bring your kids.
Also, come practice with me. I am subbing a bunch this week.
Wednesday 7:30-8:30 Hatha - Wanderlust Squaw
9:30-10:45 Blend 1-2 - Tahoe Yoga
5:30-6:30 Vinyasa Flow - Wanderlust Squaw
Thursday 9:30-11:00 Alignment - Wanderlust Squaw
*4:15- 5:15 Hatha - Wanderlust Squaw
Friday 8:00-10:00 The Practice - Namaste
*Lastly, my Thursday afternoon class at Wanderlust has been changed to 4:15-5:15.
So much love to you all.