Yoga and Meditation for Dudes Series is off and running. I feel called to share what I experienced in our first session Thursday night and the clarity that has come from why my soul wanted to embark on this journey. The intention Ben and I set for the first class was armouring, how we protect ourselves in the many ways we do that keep us from connecting with others, also the images we hold up so others don't see the truth of who we are. To make the point I showed up in a huge Alaskan downsuit and to tell the truth as I circled up with the men, other than it being hot I kind of wanted to keep it on. I saw doubt coming up saying "who the hell are you to think you can do this for the men. You are a woman!". But as I took off the suit and allowed myself to open up to these men, listening to them as they went around the circle sharing, I could feel in the cells of my being the beliefs and the projections around men sliding away. I felt myself holding back tears as I was witnessing this group of men, open, kind, compassionate and supportive. They were so willing to follow my lead and I loved watching them connect more after class. I was talking to my longtime student and friend Dave Polivy after the class and sharing my nervousness and he told me "Us guys are easy. We will do anything you want us to. We trust you." This meant so much for my psyche to hear coming from a man. I have to say Dave is running for Truckee Town Counsel and Carmen Carr is too and it's reassuring to know that they both meditate. It is a fantasy of mine that one day I know that all elected officials meditate daily.
With all the energy shifting of the night, I didn't sleep much. Ok so if all my beliefs around men are not true, who am I now. I went inside myself to see not very far from the surface the hate and anger towards men AND I also saw the hate and anger directed by me towards women in myself. If this is really what is going on inside of me, what a set up for self hatred? And with this inquiry disgust came up. I have to say this is my experience when I have a big opening like letting go of a belief, there is a swing back to the other side. I taught the next morning about integration and bringing these parts/sides and marrying them. Then swing back. I went home and I ate and ate. An old pattern of trying to ground uncomfortable feelings that I took on early in life. A war within me. This day I ate until I was uncomfortably full and there I was with disgust. The disgust that is within me that is reflected in our outer world and especially in the United States. This great divide of the masculine and feminine.
Later I was walking rubbing my belly, apologizing and then I saw her, my little 6 year old girl observing this war of men and women against each other and within themselves and feeling helpless that I couldn't do a thing about it. I remember sitting at the top of the stairs crying listening to my parents shouting and yelling at each other. Bless their hearts, they were so young. They had their own war going on inside themselves. The thing is as children most of us were not empowered and we took on our parents stuff, our societies stuff and it defined who we were, but now as adults we can wake up to it and see what is really true and who we truly are. This is where meditation comes in, when we connect to that which we are before we have a thought about it. Just try it for a minute. Close your eyes and drop in to the truth of who you are. Sense who you are before you have a thought about it.
As a child I felt there wasn't much I could do but observe and try to make others happy, try to help create peace amongst my family and friends. But as an adult I now know it is not my job to make others happy or create peace, but I can hold the space and give the tools and share the resources for others to find happiness and peace within themselves. When we share our process with each other, the more we inspire others to do the same for themselves. This is why I am being called to hold the container for these yoga and meditation series and I so hope you will join Ben and I for the next one, Healing the Divide. Info below.
I sit here writing on my new couch. Last new years I was snuggling on my Dad's couch with Tessa and my sister and her two little boys. There was room for probably two more and I said I really wanted that couch, so much space for so much love. My little sister knew just where to get it. For my birthday my Dad and Mom each separately sent a check towards the purchase of this couch. When I received the couch a month ago I sat on it and imagined my Mom and Dad arms wrapped around me(they haven't been together since I was 7) healing this division within me and themselves and I can follow it back to my grandparents and beyond. It's a beautiful meditation.
So lovers, thank you for taking the time to read this. I always write these newsletters to inspire your evolution, your growth and to keep diving in. We are in this together.
Much love to you all!
P.S. To keep the balance in the series we are only opening up 10 spaces for woman and 10 spaces for men. Get your spot by calling Tahoe Yoga 530-550-8333 or sign up at www.tahoeyoga.com.
Healing the Divide
Yoga and Meditation for Dudes and Dude-ettes
A 4 Week Series
Tahoe Yoga and Wellness Truckee
Nov. 1-29th *Minus Nov.22
Pay before 10/20 $120/ After $160
10 spaces for Women and 10 spaces for Men